Have you ever heard of Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that lasts?


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The premise is really simple –  people have varying preferences when it comes to receiving love, and we have a tendency to give love in the way that we prefer to receive it. For example, if you value spending quality time with your loved ones, you will be inclined to assume that people you love also want to spend tons of time engaging with you. However, you might find that your partner’s love language is actually Acts of Service, she/he feels loved when you do stuff for them. Your partner may take your car to get washed as an expression of love, but you would’ve preferred to spend time with him/her instead.

Knowing your love language helps you to express your needs to others. Knowing their love language helps you to give them love in the way they are most likely to want to feel it, and appreciate it.

The 5 love languages are:

  • Acts of service
  • Physical Touch
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Quality Time

If you don’t know your love languages (we usually have a primary and secondary love languages) you can go to Dr. Gary Chapman’s website and take the quiz here.

You know yourself, and it is easy enough to tell really. Do you feel loved when (1) people do things for you, (2) make an effort to spend time with you, (3) are all handsy and can’t stop touching you lovingly, (4) tell you how fabulous you are and how much they appreciate you, or (5) when they give you gifts?

The love languages apply even when you are the one giving yourself love.


Actions, rather than words, are what does it for you. Acts of Service is also my love language and I find that I feel good when I keep my word to myself. If I say I am going to do something for myself, and I actually follow through, it doesn’t really matter what that thing is. It might be to wake up an hour earlier in the mornings to catch up on some or other activity on my to-do list. People with this love language have a tendency to over do. So one of the best things you can do for yourself is to

  • learn to prioritise, organize and delegate.
  • Have a clean, uncluttered environment
  • Make yourself good healthy meals, even when you are on your own. i.e. do at the same standard for yourself as you do for others. Don’t settle for feeding yourself rubbish just because it’s a meal for one.

You DO love, so even for you, DO it.


Spend some money on yourself: purchase gifts, trips, experiences – for you.

  • Invest in personal development
  • Tithe 10% to the church of you. Put 10% of all the income you receive into a savings account.
  • Sign up for one of those subscription boxes of stuff you like. It will be like receiving a gift from yourself every month.


#metime. Spend time alone doing things that you love, or just being with yourself, which is different from being by yourself. Be present with yourself.

  • Meditate
  • Go for a walk
  • Take up a hobby that absorbs you
  • Meditate
  • Take yourself on dates
  • Netflix and chill on the couch in your PJs the whole day by yourself.
  • Avoid overbooking yourself.
  • Spend time in nature


If your love language is physical touch, focus on the things that make your body feel good and those that engage your sense of touch. #selfcaresaturdays were made for you!

  • Get yourself bedding with a decent thread count
  • Wear clothes made of natural fibres, they feel good to the touch.
  • Buy nice soft blankets
  • Go for massages and Give yourself massages
  • Make your skin care routine indulgent
  • Have a spa day
  • Engage in physical activities that stretch and move your body.


If words of affirmation is your love language, be very careful how you talk to, and about yourself. Use loving, kind words when you talk to yourself and about yourself.

  • Practice affirmations
  • Give yourself compliments
  • Use mantras that make you feel good.“Everyday, in everyway, I am become more fabulous!”
  • Listen to songs that make you feel good and sing along
  • Carry a brag book.
  • Write yourself a love letter, the old fashioned way. Go to the post office and post it. Trust that you will receive it when you need to read it.

Go show yourself some love, just the way you like it!

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