In yesterday’s post I outlined 6 areas in which we can find self-abandonment.
Today we are going to delve deeper into emotional self-abandonment. We tend to abandon ourselves emotionally as a way of coping with or avoiding coping with difficult feelings, such as loneliness, heartbreak, helplessness…
We judge ourselves rather than accept ourselves.
Did you learn to judge yourself as a way to get yourself to do things “right” so that others would approve of you?
Adults tend to mould the behaviour of kids through passing judgement and shaming. For example; “A big boy like you is crying for his mommy?” or “What would your friends say if they knew your room was such a mess?” Gradually we take on this very strategy to manage ourselves, and as adults we have an inner voice constantly passing judgement about ourselves and others.
Self-judgment creates anxiety, depression, guilt, shame and emptiness, and often leads to addictions in order to avoid these feelings. It also leads to needing others’ approval to feel worthy.
Today, and for the rest of the month, practice self-acceptance. Allow yourself to be okay exactly as you are. Reject no part of you. Accept your body, your thoughts, your feelings and your circumstances.
Whenever you catch yourself having a judgemental thought, don’t judge yourself for it, simply say “It is interesting that I have this point of view”. Don’t engage the thought further or try to fight it.
Extend this allowance to other people and circumstances as well. When you catch yourself thinking “She’s too fat to be wearing those jeans” simply follow it up with “Interesting that I have this point of view” or if you hear bad news and catch yourself thinking “This world has gone to shit” simply follow with “Interesting that I have this point of view.”
None of these judgements are facts. They are all just points of view. Allow them to pass through without judging them too.
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