This article is written by Renecia Malgas.
I met Renecia when she signed up for my Goddess Bootcamp Winter Intensive. One of her challenges was that she was struggling to manifest a romantic relationship. Some months later I was doing a Reality Radio show for Power FM called the Mojo Bootcamp. The idea was that I was going to coach 3 women whose mojo had dried up, i.e. they were no longer attracting men, and get them back to a place where they are actually spoilt for choice. I remembered Nisha from the Intensive and invited her to participate in the show. The show was a resounding success in that all three of the women moved from not being hit on, to having a string of suitors to choose from. Nisha even managed to land a date with a potential Mr. Right. She proceeded to sabotage the fledgling relationship by lying to the guy and generally acting like a psycho chick. Nisha’s journey was clearly not over, she may now be able to attract men but she was obviously afraid of being in a relationship. Alas the Mojo Bootcamp was over, and as much as I liked her I was not about to coach her for free 🙂
I then started working on a Reality TV show about love called Mokapelo (Wednesdays 6pm SABC1), and I remembered that Nisha and I had unfinished business, so I asked her to participate in the TV show. This is her account of the experience.
“Wow so where do I begin with all this?
First of all let me just say the whole Mokapelo show was such an amazing experience. From the interesting people I spoke to, the lessons I learnt from Kagiso to the exciting places I got to see.
All in all I must say when Kagiso asked if I wanted to be part of the show, my immediate reaction was “Hell No!” Although I didn’t say this to her, LOL. I mean who goes on TV for everyone to see your weaknesses and flaws laid bare?
After much soul searching I finally came to the realization that when the universe offers you opportunities for change, you don’t refuse. So I told Kagiso that, yes I would love to be part of the show.
The main reason for my initial hesitation was “what were people going to say and think about me”. And that the internal dialogue that I had always lived with > what are other people thinking and saying about me. Well let me tell yall, after the whole process I have been totally converted.
FUCK er’thang and er’body because at the end of the day, and trust me there is always an end of the day, nothing matters most but yourself.
So right from the time that Kagiso came to my house, I promised myself that I would relish in this opportunity and not spoil it by thinking of anything else that would hinder my growth. Kagiso showed me how by acknowledging my body the way it is right now, I can learn to love myself, and not postpone the love to when I have the “perfect” body. She left me with the task of doing daily self-love affirmations every morning when I get dressed. I look at all the perceived flaws I have of my body and I find things that are actually nice and loveable about them. After all it is my body, and if I don’t love it I can’t expect others to. There are still mental voices telling me how fat and un-perfect I am, but as Kagiso warned me, there will be mental resistance initially, but I have to push through in spite of the negative voices.
We also covered the idea that men are “stealable” and how I can steal proof a guy. Well I have now realised that such a concept does not really exist, it is all made up in my mind, and because I held on to the belief, the universe always sent me guys who I thought were stealable because that is the image I had ingrained in my mind.
Kagiso arranged for me to speak to Marvin about my belief that men are stealable and how if I were to be in a relationship, and sexier women along, she would easily be able to dethrone me. Marvin pointed out to me that not all guys have the same preferences and being thin doesn’t equate perfection. Some men prefer big boobs, some prefer a shapely derriere etc. But the main thing he taught me was that I am more than just a body and most men actually want substance and a whole list of other things that go along with being in a relationship. So no matter how aesthetically appealing a woman might be, she still has to have the character and other qualities to match. He reiterated what Kagiso said to me initially. But everything definitely resonated with me, because it had been the first time that I had asked a guy so candidly about how men perceive relationships and women in general.
I can say with surety that I am now converted and now know that looks can attract a guy but they won’t keep a guy.
I was also sent to an AH-MAZING burlesque dancer, Miss Oh who helped me with my perceived body flaws. And boy! She makes everything seem so damn sexy. With her even a mundane task such as getting dressed can be turned into a sexy event. I was totally bewildered when she asked me to do a sexy strut, as I have always thought of myself as anything but sexy.
But she made me feel right at ease and I was surprised to learn that she herself struggled with body issues in the past and she overcame them by being more confident and self-loving. That gave me a lot of hope, she told me the main thing is to be conscious of my body and to be aware of my femininity at all times. The basic burlesque moves she taught me can also be incorporated into my daily schedule, and basically with enough confidence I too can make absolutely anything to be sexy, by being confident and owning my body. So now when I am within the confines of my house I practice some of the easier routines in heels. I am not 100% yet but I am enjoying it a lot more than what I thought I would.
I must admit the most difficult thing about this whole process was the makeover, as most people who know me would tell you that I always wear a weave or wig and I don’t dress up in feminine clothes. So when Marcus, (the hairdresser) asked me to remove my wig to assess my hair. I had an out of body experience; because my hair was so badly damaged I have never worn it out. I was absolutely horrified to say the least, when I finally summed up enough courage to remove the wig and he began touching my hair, I just blanked out when I finally came too, he advised me the best thing to do would be to cut it all off and immediately stop with the wigs/weaves as it would only cause further damage. I was quite pleased with the final result and he gave me extra tips on how to care for the new shorter hairdo and I can tell you, nothing feels more liberating than not having to wear something constantly on my head. And now I don’t care in which direction the wind blows, for fear that the wig might fall off. I just apply a conditioning gel, and I’m good to go.
After the hair episode the clothes part felt like an absolute breeze, Brenda showed me how I can still be tomboyish but incorporate more girly pieces to my wardrobe. Even the heels that I tried on were so comfortable and I still felt like me. I now dress up more and am stylish yet comfortable.
The half an hour show that people got to see is not even the tip of the iceberg; the whole process has been life changing. I met so many new people and got to be exposed to so many new places such as the Weekend Social @ Constitution Hill, I got to mingle with young artsy type of and I saw that I actually like weird people. No one cared about the next person’s looks or outfits; they were there to have fun. I got to see where Club Sway is in Sandton, it was unfortunately not open but I have made a mental note to go check it out sometime, I also got the chance to go to Teko Modise’s house and meet his lovely wife Lizelle and she took me for my first ever professional manicure, and she told me how she was at a time just like me, in that she cared so much what other people thought of her until she realized that you only have one life and there are way more important issues at hand than to care about others opinions.
After this whole process my brother said to me, “you have had so many people who have helped you” so if you don’t change now than you will never change”. And he is right, the universe has given me a great opportunity and I have promised myself I will use it to propel myself into becoming the ”ULTIMATE NISHA” and so far I’m on the right track. This has been the ultimate paradigm shift, all thanks to Kagiso Msimango…”